Slightly Single The Webseries…

So I’ve been all talk no action for awhile now but only because I’ve been fighting some serious writers block but today I had a break through 1 page of my Slightly Single screenplay written and it mostly includes the lead character drunk and disorderly – nothing like myself

I’m using my blog entries as a guide for my writing so when I finally get funding the series will be like a window into my life with an amazing soundtrack and better looking boys.

Keep a look out for my teaser campaign coming soon

xxx

What’s In A Name?

If I walk into a room and meet a man named Chris I’m leaving either with his number or a bruised ego.

It’s a strange thing but the last 5 men i’ve been interested in have been called Chris. The question is …am I attracted to them because of their name or is it a weird coincidence in the universe that has made me lust after only Chris’s for the last year.

More importantly do men have this same problem: am I an Anna in a long line of Anna’s?

I have no idea, all i know is when a man says his name is Chris I know there’s trouble.

What is the 20-something version of a Cougar?

It’s been brought to my attention that recently all my boyfriends/boy crushes have been quite literally…boys.

I’m not talking illegal, obviously, but definitely two or three years younger than me. I’m hoping it’s a phase since I seem to be aging and they are not, as a case in point, I found out last weekend that a manchild I dated last year had lied about his age and is only now 21.

Does it make me a bad person that what upset me the most was the fact he’s stayed the same age while I have gotten a year older and a year closer to needing plastic surgery?

I shouldn’t whine since it’s a two way street and these young-ins are attracted to me but I worry I’m going to become addicted to how complimentary young men are and how refreshing it is to meet a man who isn’t hung up on his ex-girlfriend.

I did try and date a 30 year old guy but he was way too serious and made me feel like at any moment he’d drop down on one knee. I had a panic attack when I went to his house and he’d bought wine that cost over 10 quid. I broke up with him pretty soon after that.

I’m definately a commitment phobe

All this typing has made me ponder my future love life – can you be a commitment phobe while looking for love or is that like being a marine biologist and afraid of the ocean.

‘ I like ‘em new. Not like you’

KIDS

Idiosyncrasies…with a side of fries

My (ex) boyfriend once said what he loved most about me was my idiosyncrasies. I was hoping he liked my ass but alas I’ll take what I can get. So obviously that relationship didn’t last and now I’ve got all these idiosyncrasies that aren’t actually that lovable unless you’re into Liz Lemon.

Sigh!

Some of my idiosyncrasies that I’m willing to talk about in public are:

* Irrational fear of Adult Cot Death – Not common but I’m so scared I set an alarm even if I’m trying to sleep in (like that will help)

* I can’t sleep with mirrors facing me- too many Japanese horror films and some feng shui thrown in

* Love of all things panda and other black and white mammals such as badgers and killer whales.

* Irrational fear of sharks coupled with a complete fascination of how cool they are.

* Inability to travel to Thailand for fear of tsunami’s

* Obsession with Buddy Holly and all men who vaguely look like him

* I fondle diet coke cans daily searching for the coldest one in the fridge

* Dislike of overly long tongues

These are the ones I can think of on the spot which is not a good sign because it’s the ones you don’t know about which are usually the weirdest.

God help the next poor bastard who tries to date me.

Spotify!

Bonjour!

I’ve made a super eclectic playlist that features :  She Keeps Bees, Rock Paper Razor, Swanton Bombs, Most Valuable Players plus others.

ENJOY my carefully selected playlist of songs to curl your hair too

INDIE

NYC!

So I took my slightly single ways to New York for some spending therapy and general tom foolery.

1 week in NYC= 850 quid = OUCH = baked beans for the rest of the month

I had a great time, although my dreams of hot men finding my foreign accent sexy crashed completely.

In general any boy hunting failed completely but I enjoyed sight seeing too much to be offended. What did offend me was how people were weirdly cliquey  in Williamsburg (supposedly the Dalston of NYC).

I felt very clean and pretty darn excluded from bars in Williamsburg. The regulars were like the characters from The League Of Gentlemen. Tattooed woman grumpily murmuring ‘You’re not local’ in my ear was a little too much for  my vacation. I wanted to like Williamsburg because I live in Dalston, but there definite moments were I doubted the comparison between the two.

One- Dalston is a judge free zone, I’ve been at Jazz bar at 5am in the morning dancing with bankers to Will Smith and Jazzy Jeffs Summertime and had a smashingly good time. Two – people in London regardless of musical taste dress WAY better than New Yorkers and don’t judge others need to express themselves through colour . Three – People are familiar with cultural diversity and embrace fun to be had in many languages.

The most fun I had in NYC was in the Lower East Side – people were friendly and not offended by my colour coordinated to the max outfits.

I think the comparisons between Dalston and Williamsburg need to stop as they’re misleading. Maybe Dalston should be compared to the Lower East side since I’m now its biggest fan and thinking of designing a new T-Shirt range cleverly including I heart Lower East side in one T-shirt, not to be confused with I heart Les Paul or I heart Lesbians (although I think both Les and lesbians are pretty darn rocking) x

Single living – a 20th century disease?

I’ve been doing a little soul searching (not alot – I’m scared what I’ll find) and I’ve discovered I’m being a slave to society. I’ve been convinced, despite my whining, I’m happy being single but if I don’t view the single life as a disease then why am I looking for a cure?

The answer is that I’m being influenced by society. Those bastards with their gladiator sandals and harem pants are making me feel like the monkey from Outbreak, although I’m not sure if that monkey got set up on as many blind dates as me.

I’m the girl people think of when their newly single guy friend is feeling down about the quality girls left on the shelf. It could be worse I could be the girl they don’t mention for fear of sending their friend into a deep depression, but still they should be affirming the joys of being single not trying to ‘fix’ the situation. Seeing people happy and partner free must seem awful to some couples, I’m sure they’re worried it’s contagious.

Most of my friends are currently single or at least pretending they are but since I do socialize outside my core group occasionally there is no escaping interactions with people who say  ’I can’t believe a nice girl like you is single’ well believe it and be jealous !

I get to star fish in bed, eat in bed, hog the covers and snore to my hearts content. Of course these are the only things that happen in my bed but lets not get caught up in the details.

What being single needs is a PR compaign. We need to change the view that singles are losers and/or promiscuous STD riddled weirdos. I’m thinking posters, badges and maybe a tshirt that says ‘I put out and all I got was this lousy tshirt’.

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it’s one of the best. ~ Woody Allen

Too Cool For School?

I’m not cool but I’m definately not uncool so when I went out to a party Saturday night I was alittle hurt and shocked by the party goers haughty attitude towards me.

I felt like someone had written ‘loser ‘on my forehead while i wasn’t looking. I checked …I was a little shiny but my forehead was ‘loser’ free.

It was such a high school situation and I reacted the way I did then and turned tail and ran away (literally).

As much as I’d like to say how horrible these people are I can’t , they seem lovely and its not their fault they don’t like me but it does bring up an issue I thought I’d gotten over .

I want everyone to like me.

Did you order the optimism with a side of Narcissism? I did and maybe a few other ‘isms.

I  know not everyone is going to like me just as I know there are people I don’t like for no tangible reason but Saturday was horrible and it cut deeper than when ”My So Called Life’ got cancelled.

Now I have to decide whether to kill these people with kindness next time I see them out -which I will as the indie scene is surprising small in London- or just pretend I’ve never met them which is pretty much what they do when I see them out when my inter group friend isn’t around.

I’m not sure how many times you should be introduced to someone with them not remembering your name before it becomes rude.

I’m too sensitive and wish I’d grow out of it which seems unlikely given how badly I cross roads so I’m just going to have to learn to like the fact I do want everyone to like me, because you should learn to like the things about yourself you can not change.

x SIGH

One Night Stand Anyone?

In the hopes of not sounding like a two dollar hooker when I write this blog, I need you to remember we’ve all had them, most of us hated them but a lucky few have met their soulmate through them.

The legendary one night stand (ONS).

Personally I’ve never had any success from the process and I’m not sure if this is to do with fleeing the scene of the crime or perhaps I just don’t test well. When I have ‘auditioned’ I found  myself longing to leave money on the dresser for a laugh but being the cheap bastard I am, the most I’ve ever left is a business card some guy gave me with ‘call me’ written on it. I like to think Mr ONS  spent some time thinking back to our encounter desperately trying to remember if he had sex with a man.

I can’t see how you can drunkenly hook up with someone and then form a meaningful relationship but then again a random drunken snog at a bar usually leads to love or at least a facebook relationship update.

Perhaps the world is getting sluttier and sex with strangers will become like a nice firm handshake.

No Glove No Love 

‘It’s not a one night stand, it’s an audition’

x

Hand Holding Is For Losers

If a couple are walking slowly on a narrow side walk holding hands and have the misfortune to be in front of me, they might catch a brick to the head.

I don’t even think I could call this a pet peeve as it would diminish the mental torment it causes me. I may have to call it a peeve which sounds less cute and more urinary related but still I may just go with it to get my point across.

What are these people thinking?! Are they trying to inspire envy or jealousy by proclaiming their couple status.

Wow I’m so jealous you can’t move  towards a destination without clutching  the hand of your loved one like a life line to happiness.

As a rule people who refuse to let go of their held hands also walk slowly like they’re flipping the middle finger at single people for both their inability to find a mate and then at the fast pace they chose to live life at. I like having a life that requires me to move at London pace even when going to the corner shop.

Damn those affectionate bastards for making people walk around them and their sweaty joined hands.

Don’t they have places to be?