Tongues Are Weird…

I hate to admit to being as superficial as to break up with a man based on his tongue but I have.

There is nothing like a mans thick tongue, sticking out his mouth like a dead slug to shrink my ovaries and make me reach for Nurofen, in an attempt at faking a headache to avoid sex.

I’ve devoted 3 beers worth of drunken thought to why tongues freak me out and I can trace it back to a joke my father told.

I’m not sure this is relevant because I can’t remember the joke, but all I need to remember is the punch line involved him sticking his tongue out in a larger than life morbidly horrifying manner. (EW)

Now its not that I don’t like a good french kiss, I am a modern girl who enjoys many a hot man sticking his tongue down my throat but what freaks me out is the sneak preview of said tongue. An early reveal of the tongue even in a joking manner sends me running for the hills. I need to climatise 

I’m sure many people are thinking this is the reason I’m single but I’m almost positive I’m single because of migration patterns and the lunar cycle.

So in conclusion and completely irrelevantly… to I win my heart or get a second date I offer you this advice…

Keep it in your mouth

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Nothing disturbs group dynamics like a new boyfriend…

My amazing group of friends are close! Super close! I’m not talking incentious but there are moments where I wonder if we’ve taken the whole Friends are the Family You Choose thing to the next level.

I guess when you move to a new country  the friends you make become the people you spend family holidays with and thats something you need when you’re far from home.

Enter new friends or the ever troublesome new significant others and a shift occurs, sometimes for the better but sometimes you end up longing for simpler times when dinners out weren’t a strategical minefield of who sits next to whom.

I’m usually single except for my yearly attempt at dating, where I try have a relationship and not succumb to my inner Goldilocks whose chanting he’s too keen , he’s too mean etc… sometimes I think I’ll never meet a guy whose ‘just right’.

So until I do meet that mythical guy I’ll be doing the seating plans at any dinners out.

RSVP if you’re bringing a plus one.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

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I want this book more than I want Ryan Gosling to decide he likes short chubby brunettes named Anna-Lisa.

“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains.” 

How can any book that begins like that be bad!

As a self confessed zombie lover I can’t wait to read the book and then hopefully in the near future watch the film.

Shoreditch Rut

I’m stuck in a Shoreditch rut.

4 years in London and I go out to the same places every week.

Dream Bags and Jaguar Shoes – good ol’ faithful

Catch 22 – I hate it there but people in ruts do alot of things they hate …even go to Catch

Old Blue Last – not a weekly stop on my rut list but definately a regular

StrongRooms – this is my date spot. Its a good place to take guys as its hidden on Curtain Road. 

Commercial Tavern – last time I was there I felt like the youngest person in the room. There has got to be something wrong when I feel like that

Even my Shoreditch dining is in a rut

Tay Do – BYOB keeps me coming back for more of their small portions

The Diner – amazing milkshakes, slow moving too cool for school waitresses 

I’m sick of Shoreditch! Cue tantrum

I live in the most exciting area in East London, Dalston. I just need friends who want to hang out there.

SIGH!

 

Dalston I love you!

Dalston I love you!

Who me?

 

 

Drunk Is As Drunk Does

Drunk Is As Drunk Does

 

I lost my mind this weekend, well at least four hours of the cache of my mind.

 

Sunday night! I should have stayed home and watched The Wire. REGRET! REGRET!

I remember drinking vodka and diet coke and getting slightly drunk. I remember drinking shots of tequila

Evidence of Tequila Drinking

Evidence of Tequila Drinking

 

then I remember  everyone deciding to go home around 1am.

Luckily I took over 500 photos on someone else’s camera to document my descent into madness. Heres hoping the photos never surface.

The only thing I like about losing time is I’m less embarassed than I know I should be.

I hate getting too drunk I’m painfully aware of how irritating I can be while sober so adding heavy drinking into the mix is a crime against my friends.

I’m going to seek comfort in cupcakes til the next embarassing incident. I’m thinking I’ll be ready by Thursday night.

Currently listening to Wintersleep- Weighty Ghost …wishing I knew where my body went

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