Embarrassing Moment No. 32 This Year…

A look back on my year so far ….

Embarrassing Moment No.32.   Accidental sexual harassment in the dentists office.

So I make my way to the dentist, freshly flossed teeth and breath so fresh it justifies the vigourous tooth brushing and mouth gargling I put myself through.

I settle down in the dentist chair and tense my body waiting for the pain and discomfort I know is coming. So the dentist has both his hands in my mouth and my mouth is wider than it should be , he’s cracking a few jokes and my polite laughter nearly makes me swollow my tongue but I’m thinking so far so good, the drugs he stabbed into my gums are working and maybe, just maybe this won’t be the usual painful and traumatic experience I’ve become accustomed to.

The dentist pauses to start filling the hole he just made in my tooth and I glance around the room only for my eyes to land on my crotch and the enormous bow coming out of my zipper. OMFG! The very cute underwear I put on for no other reason than it was at the top of the pile of clean clothes has made a break for it and I’ve basically got a very large very noticeable bow trapped in my zipper. How I didn’t notice when I left my house is a mystery but anyhow.

I start to sweat and casually inch my hands from my stomach to my crotch but alas my sudden movement has drawn the gaze of my dentist and with one eyebrow raised he looks between my face and my crotch. I just nervously laughed as much as I could around his hands and shrugged.

The rest of my appointment involved him looking uncomfortable and stepping away from me every time the nurse turned her back. Eventually the horror was over, I went into the hallway  and I quickly started stuffing my bow back in my jeans only for the nurse to exit the room while I was half way done. I don’t think she got that my hand was in my pants but I do think she thought I was a weirdo and I’m sure the dentist was tapping his foot impatiently back in his office waiting to tell her of my mortifying experience.

That was my last dentist appointment before I left London. I wonder if on a subconscious level I left so I wouldn’t have to face seeing them again. Probably not. I’ve had way more embarrassing things happen this month.

No Sex In The Champagne Room Or At Least My Room…

I recently had the opportunity to reconnect with an ex and I did a little happy dance at the thought of breaking the seal on months of abstinence.

I wined him and dined with a finesse most of our previous dates had lacked and we ended up at my house.

I wasn’t leaving anything up to chance and slipped on my sexy underwear and hoped for the best.

We were kissing and I could see the goal posts in the distance when he pulled away and said ‘I think we should stop. I need to get back to where I was emotionally when we dated…It’ll be more special then’  I gasped !

I initially couldn’t even verbally respond, I just glanced around the room looking for an imaginary audience who would be as shocked as I was. I mean really, I was practically naked, ready for action and he’s says no…lets wait.

I reacted like the nice girl I am and said it was all right and when he asked to hold me I suffered in silence. He finally fell asleep and I escaped the prison of his arms, rolled into a cold spot and pondered my life.

My irritation at the turn of events was baffling, especially since a guy acting put out by me saying we should wait would result in a few choice words and a kick out the door.

When did I become the guy in the relationship? Have I watched too much Sex and The City ? What happened?

A few weeks have passed now and I’m actually pretty glad he was being a wet blanket and I wonder if a few guys feel that way… a foot stamping tantrum and you realise you’ve been saved from a potentially unsatisfying experience.

I’ve never had ex- sex and perhaps I was saved by a metrosexual.

Long live men in silk scarves x