Spotify Playlist…80’s

80’s PARTY

Some 80’s fun opening with the amazing Sunglasses At Night. I may have slipped a power ballad or two in… happy listening!

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Guys With Girlfriends Never Seem To Remember That…

I’m single…yes I know it’s hard to believe… yes I know the name of this blog is misleading (slightlysingle) and lets not forget how amazing of a catch i am but it is true.

I’ve been single for on and off 4 years and LOVE it  and even though I get sad when Liz Lemon in 30 Rock can get a boyfriend and I can’t, in general  I’m pretty darn happy. 

What has been getting me down lately is how many guys try it on with me and they have girlfriends. Sometimes I know they have girlfriends (REGRET REGRET!) but almost all of the time I’m blissfully unaware of the girl waiting at home sorting their socks. 

I’ve meet too many guys who have ‘girlfriend omission syndrome’, by conveniently forgetting to mention their  girlfriend they think that means they don’t exist until they phone or text them. When caught out guys suffering from this syndrome have been know to use the excuse ‘I forgot to mention it’…now the question burning in my mind is, was it your tongue down my throat that made you forget?

I recommend to forgetful men that when in doubt of their relationship status Facebook is helpful .

I’ve had a guy I’ve kissed adding me as a friend and sending me flirty mails only for me to check their status is ‘in a relationship’. Even worse Facebook suggested I become friends with his girlfriend.

No Facebook I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose boyfriend gave me a raw chin from beard burn.

I wish James Earl Jones narrated my life…

 

…I’m quite sure he wouldn’t agree to this but perhaps he’s a victim of the recession and I could pay him in cupcakes for odd jobs .

He’d let me know what  was on tv when i woke up at a strange boys house by saying “This is CNN”. 

He wouldn’t check me into a mental facility when i heard a voice in my head saying “If you build it, he will come”.

He’d let my ex boyfriend know who his mother got knocked up by saying “Luke I am your father”, and perhaps if I made  him a cupcake with extra sprinkles on it he’d channel Mufasa and murmur “Remember” every now and again when I got hammered.  

What'd I'd make JEJ wear to follow me around

What'd I'd make JEJ wear when we hung out

 

I see a bright future for my new BFF and I, especially if he’s wearing the outfit pictured above…he’s so scene.

The Evilness Of Green Hair

The incident occurred at RebelBingo Friday the 29th of June. It was a dark and stormy night… ( it wasn’t but for dramatic purposes suspend your disbelief )

I actually don’t want to get too descriptive because I think this blog should be PG rated when I’m not talking about sex in graphic detail, but fear not I won’t leave you on the edge of your seat. Here’s a guide to reading the hidden meaning behind my account of the events of that haunting night.

Its simple fill the blanks with the worst word you can think of. I’ll let your filthy minds help paint the scene

Some ____ was being an evil ____ and unclipped the back of their bingo stamp and was flicking the ink around, like a child they kept going until someone got hurt. My poor hair was the victim in this case ! The ____ flicked the stamp ink ALL OVER me and now my hair will never be the same  *SOB*

Before you call the over reaction police, the ink went all over my back, my hair even my very soul in now stained (that might not be from the ink)

The _____ laughed and said sorry but do you think anyone would care if OJ said sorry… I don’t think so.

The ink was not water based and now I look like the love child of the Jolly Green Giant.

I’ve washed my hair 4 times since the incident Friday night and my hair is still green as you can see below.

   The green in my hair made me so grumpy even cupcakes didn't help

The green in my hair has made me so grumpy even cupcakes can't lift my mood

 

I wonder if I can somehow make this patchy green hair work to my advantage but I have a feeling it’s going to land me on Vice Magazines Do’s and Don’ts page under a very big DON’T.