OLD!

I woke up to a startling realisation… I’m old.

I don’t think I help myself by having a 21 year old boyfriend. Sigh!

It’s just I’m going through an insecure phase and despite being the lowest weight of my adult life, having good hair and a London wardrobe in South Africa, I’m pretty depro.

I can’t help but compare myself to all the young beautiful woman I see out. I just don’t know how to make myself feel better. It’s especially hard when your boyfriend is not comfortable complimenting.

Got job, got car, got boyfriend, got enough money to buy milk. Life should be good

Mew!

I just feel like moving back to SA has put my back emotionally five years. I feel the same insecurity I did in high school but none of the hope that its only one more year til I go to uni.

I’m sure it’ll get better once I settle down more but it’s been a year since I moved back and I’m very unsure it was the right decision.

I was so independent and self assured there and I’ve regressed in SA.

I think it’s the whole caring about someone more than yourself. I was very selfish there. I was there for friends but didn’t really open up my heart to anyone else.

When you put your heart in someone else’s hands you risk a lot and I think thats the problem.

I’ve been burned more than a few times by men and now I feel like they do this because I’m not good enough. I kinda know it’s not true but the flirting with other girls is really getting me down.

I don’t like that I leave a club after a big fight in tears and I wake up the next day to boyfriends 6 new gorgeous facebook friends. All girls at the club. I don’t get to ask because that would imply I don’t trust but theres a level of respect that says before the person you love asks why not volunteer the information.

Mew/Sigh

Insecurity is like an illness without cure

One thought on “OLD!

  1. oh gosh, I so can relate to this post. I’m 34 − 35 in July and nearly broke down in tears the other day because I cannot accept the thought of getting older! I do not feel old and therefore do not want to get old.

    My partner is a musician and your comments about 6 new gorgeous facebook friends rang so true for me! Whenever my partner has done a gig, low and behold there are all these little comments from groupies smoothered with kisses! and of course they all look not a day over 21!

    Keep going, we all have insecurities and mine will continue forever i’m sure.xx

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