Tongues Are Weird…

I hate to admit to being as superficial as to break up with a man based on his tongue but I have.

There is nothing like a mans thick tongue, sticking out his mouth like a dead slug to shrink my ovaries and make me reach for Nurofen, in an attempt at faking a headache to avoid sex.

I’ve devoted 3 beers worth of drunken thought to why tongues freak me out and I can trace it back to a joke my father told.

I’m not sure this is relevant because I can’t remember the joke, but all I need to remember is the punch line involved him sticking his tongue out in a larger than life morbidly horrifying manner. (EW)

Now its not that I don’t like a good french kiss, I am a modern girl who enjoys many a hot man sticking his tongue down my throat but what freaks me out is the sneak preview of said tongue. An early reveal of the tongue even in a joking manner sends me running for the hills. I need to climatise 

I’m sure many people are thinking this is the reason I’m single but I’m almost positive I’m single because of migration patterns and the lunar cycle.

So in conclusion and completely irrelevantly… to I win my heart or get a second date I offer you this advice…

Keep it in your mouth

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